Have you ever been in the presence of a true master? Have you ever had the pleasure… More skilled than Nascar, Indy 500, Formula One, and Grand Prix drivers rolled together.
You may be misled, or just not aware of the sheer talent, training, skill involved of this most dangerous morning sport. You may actually think that it is due to some lack of say… intent, or procrastination… or worse… you might actually think that it has everything to do with poor morning planning. HAH! So naive. Let me open your eyes to the delicate nature of this intricate sport.
Shift up to third, RPM’s building, check rear view status, change of lanes, move ahead of the man in the white hummer, shift to fourth, tick tock, tick tock. Feel the road rolling under you, pull out your new shade of MAC Lipstick “Matte Diva” and spread it ever so ever so smoothly on your newly primed lips.
Shift down, engage the clutch– damn– you need to get around the Yellow School Bus with all the kids — why does school have to start in the morning anyway?! Right mirror, left mirror, sip of coffee. Wait for it… wait for it… slide between the SUV and the taxi cab — YES!
Pull out the mascara, and punch on the radio — pump up the volume, pump up the volume (of your lashes that is). Shift back into third and slide into fourth, Mario Andritti style. Ride in the fast lane, shift it into fifth, zip in and out and in and out. Ride the rails, the rubber hitting the road, even Dirty Harry could learn a thing or two from you… like bronzing.
REDLIGHT. Down shift, engage the brake and apply all four shades of eye shadow on each eye, so that you open up the eyelid and make your eye look bigger, in 60 seconds! WITHOUT A PIT CREW. 5,4, 3, 2, 1, green. Accelerate. Time to bring this puppy home (or to work rather…) Left turn, right, and then straight. Parking lot ahead. Brake it. Flip the shade down, flip the hair back, primp, primp, primp, lick the lips and BAM! Engine off, door locked, it’s off to work you go.